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Sunday, 28 February 2016

Sara is still with me...

Apologies for inconsistencies. This I wrote on another site which I know many of you may not follow, but it needed to be included in Sara blog.



Bulgarian traditions get it so right sometimes...

For the last two days following Sara's death all I have eaten is one sandwich and really do not feel like eating. I am certain bereaved partners/family members have been in the same situation themselves.

Part of the tradition of a passing of someone (if I am correct) is that for 40 days it is thought that the person departed is still on this earth and goes to places they once frequented and this is the time for those left behind to grieve and deal with life without their departed other than them being in spirit. Part of the customs is that each day a meal is made for you and the departed and whilst you have the meal you chat and talk as if they are there. At night a light is left on outside or inside the house for them to find their way home.

Well today pushing myself to carry on, I have started eating properly again albeit it being a smaller portion. Maybe it does not look as appetising as Sara's creations, but it is a start (honest I can cook). Nothing exciting, cauliflower cheese and a piece of gammon included for me. Although Sara did not really drink occasionally she would drink a glass of red wine made by our neighbour Jordan with a meal. So seated outside in the sun to anyone else chummering away to myself I am not replete and can continue on again through the day.


Some may think hogwash, there is no life after death or that we pass to another being on earth, but Spud effectively Sara's cat who as everyone knows could be a bit of a monster is a totally different cat now. He is more laid back and has been by side throughout the morning when I am at home, purring and wanting a fuss as I feed the chickens, water Sara's seedlings (which was a major task I must say) sweeping the path and the such, but strangest of all a thing he has never before sat on the chair set at Sara's place at the table throughout the meal and only left after I had finished.


Oh well washing to do must get on...

Regards 
Debrazza Man

25 comments:

  1. I hope Spud brings you comfort at this sad time. Take care.

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  2. Animals instinctively know about loss and they also grieve so you are not alone Dave. Meanwhile the more I learn of the Bulgarian traditions around death and loss the more I find them caring and loving so much more than how death and loss is viewed and marketed here in the UK. Follow their traditions and live your life as best you can, thinking of you, Sara and your continuing life in BG. Kath xx

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  3. Hi Dave it's comforting to still be able to come to the blog and see it still going. Thanks for taking the time and effort to share. I hope you will feel inclined to continue the blog in Saras legacy because we could all still do with the type of news and information she provided. Maybe even share some of the bloke stuff with the us.

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  4. What a wonderful tradition, and must truly help those who remain after a loved one departs. As for your cat.... to help you during this time of transition, to not take the place of Sara, but to put an energy into the place where her physical self used to be, while her spiritual self continues to surround you with love. V

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  5. Happy to see you are eating, and finding some comfort via Bulgarian traditions. Looking at that meal it won't be too long before I am asking you for recipes xx

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  6. You entered into lots of Bulgarian traditions together so it's good to see you are finding the strength to continue. Take care. Linda

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  7. Hi Dave, So glad that you have Helen and Graham and Venka and Jordan there for you. You have such wonderful neighbours who care for you so much.

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  8. Animals have an instinct at times like this. I am so glad that you are continuing the blog and hope it gives you some comfort. I am still reeling from this awful news and am feeling choked for you. I hope it's a comfort to see how many people have been moved and so truly care.

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    1. Sara would have been amazed, as am I with the amount of people and the messages of condolance.

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  9. When I lost my husband three years ago, a grief counselor told me that it doesn't get better, it gets different and nobody but me could figure out how to make things different. Which I thought was really awful advice. But three years on, I can see that it's true. You are thinking you can't possibly go on but you will. And you will be happy again.

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  10. sweetieby3@gmail.com1 March 2016 at 10:31

    I found your site and loved everything - your love for each other,
    with so much to spare - all animals were so well treated .

    We have had to say farewell to our 3 cats - love the Spud, he sits on Sara's knee

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  11. I am impressed with the food Dave, Spud looks like he enjoyed his meal too. Pleased that you are finding some inner strength at this difficult time having all of the animals to care for sort of forces you to keep going. Thanks for keeping us posted and I too hope you will continue this blog I have so enjoyed reading it over the last 3 years.

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  12. Animals are clever!.
    They pick up on human emotions.
    Neighbours fat cat Molly, knows to arrive , when I,m alone, jumps up on my conservatory, to bedroom window, has such a gentle meow to get in on window sill.
    Never ever when enyone else in the house!.
    Snuggles n purrs at my feet, never ever peed on my house, paws my face gently to get out around 7 am.x
    Think spud knows needs to support you!.good for a feral cat!.
    Best wishes
    Kirrie xx

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  13. Cute little Spud to sit on the chair and be a companion for you.

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  14. That's an excellent custom because it gets the bereaved person to start eating for the sake of the departed who is waiting to share the meal. I am glad to hear you are eating Dave, Sara would be very proud of that meal you served. You did an excellent cook justice. I hesitate to call Sara a cook, her loaves of bread etc were of chef quality. I was always in awe of her talent.

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  15. Dave I know you won't have the mental head space to do this now, in your time of grief, however I just thought I'd plant a seed of an idea that may help you have a project for Sara in the future, that might possibly distract you from the awfulness of life without her. You are a talented artist could you possibly in the future look at the idea of combining her blog in book form with her recipes accompanying her gorgeous food pictures. Illustrated maybe by you or at least a painting or two of yours included. One of your painting of beautiful birds sprang to mind. A stork would be wonderful. Life journey / food books are a very popular genre. I would love to see the combined talent that team Dave and Sara had in print one day xx

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  16. I love reading the blog - I have not posted before but followed your adventures together in Bulgaria. I am so glad you have found the strength to continue the blog. My thoughts are with you at this time.

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  17. I think the idea that our departed share another 40 days with us is both touching and comforting, and sharing food is a wonderful part of that. I know you have never met me, but I feel I knew Sara through her blogging and posting xx

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  18. I know I come infrequently to the blog but Sara always commented on mine and when I had time I would always check in to see how life was treating you in Bulgaria, comparing your expat life there with ours in Spain. I am in tears as I write this because even though I did not really know you or Sara I used to update my husband on how you were getting on as if you were chums we knew well and I began to feel like we were. I have no words to comfort you, there can be none... only time (yes I know that old adage). I have more than enjoyed Sara's writing... she was my gardening inspiration.... and she renewed my faith in all things on the growing front on a regular basis. I feel like I have lost a good friend. I am so glad that you have continued the blog... until you feel you don't need to anymore.

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  19. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to read that Sara has gone. My very best wishes to you and your family.

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  20. Mate I am so so sorry to read about this - I've followed your blog diligently and it gave me support at a dark time that you'll never understand - thank you for allowing me to scare somebody else's lives and ambitions. It's pointless telling you that things get better as they don't, but you do get more used to, and better at, dealing with it. Try to find pleasure in what you still have, as well as acknowledging what you have lost, and keep the dream you both had together. And if you need help, support, or just someone to weed the borders, please don't be afraid to let us know - I'm sure you have a lot of friends here that you haven't yet met. It get easier in time x

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    1. Thank you Alex so much for your words. I know each day will be different, some good, some bad. , but you can be sure of this I will go on as having Sara in my life albeit a short time gives me the strength to continue on with her beside me albeit in spirit.

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